How did we get here? Hopefully you came across the link from one of my social media accounts or from a friend. Either way, I am glad we get to meet on this carved out space on the internet. As for me, well this has been in the works FOR YEARS.

If you have been with me on this journey, you are probably wondering if this will be any different to the previous times. Between you and me, I hope so too. Obviously, I have more control over the situation, and I hope with you walking this journey with me (I really hope you decide to stay for it) we can experience growth together.

If you are new to this journey, please do not despair...

...Okay cool, you are still here.

In this article I am going to give context. A look behind the veil. The messy, tricky, vulnerable and good moments that have brought us to this point.

This is the journey to ELE (Get it?).

About Me

I am Mashie but I go by Mash (Mainly because a lot of people mispronounce my name and it really annoys me). I've been a blogger for the past two years. An unsuccessful blogger at that (Scary). And this was a result of the self doubt I gave a lot of power to. The obstacles I imagined felt so heavy that I basically became immobilized.

It was a lot. Were they all significant? Probably not. Did they seem reasonable enough for me to shelf this project numerous time? Oh yes!

My biggest stumbling block was that "I did not have enough time." At that point my academic career was the most important thing. Then there was freelancing and learning to manage chronic migraine and constant anxiety attacks. It was a lot.

Sidenote: Most of these have not changed much. BUT after how hectic the first three months with Teletubby where, I have a new perspective on a lot of things.

Amid all of this I chose to dabble in pageantry (for some reason I saw this as the best way to learn to manage my anxieties). And boy did I learn.

One of these lessons is why we are back here.

There is great power in embracing your voice and expressing yourself. And the best form of expression is experiencing the beauty of your dreams. Regardless of how scary it feels.

Background

Back in high school when we were applying to Universities, I stood ten toes in and made sure I applied to study film and media. I stood by this because I knew that I wanted to pursue a career in the film and media industry. And that is exactly what I went on to do.

What I did not count on was that around my first varsity years, my neurological health would flare up and in turn my mental health would go to the pits.

Long story short, I made a choice. One that was necessary but often comes back to haunt me when I least expect it.

Because of this choice, the once confident 19-year-old who was ready to achieve her dreams is a 30-year-old and has had to navigate an onslaught of self doubt, self sabotage and a tragic drop in self-confidence.

And there lies the problem. "How dare you believe that you are capable of being that woman you sought out to be? It's not like that master plan you had is still in effect. Look at all these failed attempts. Do you really think YOU can pull this off?"

Inner negative voice? It can be the death of you. LITERALLY. And the sad thing is that we tend to believe all these hurtful fleeting thoughts. And because of that we can easily give up because "this part is too hard" or "why did I think I could do this."

Yah neh.

Alas, we are still here. That surely counts for something.

During all of this, you find yourself. Reconnect. Get to know the you now. And instead of mourning who that 19-year-old could have been, I made the choice to embrace the 30 year-old looking back at me in the mirror.

Acknowledge and learn from my past. Appreciate and celebrate my present . And no unnecessary pressure on my future.

About ELE

This is my "doing it scared" space (as inspired by Ruth Soukup. Check put her podcast Do It Scared on Spotify). Hopefully it will inspire you as well to do your "It" scared as well.

So, ELE is a wellness space for anyone looking for a supportive space while navigating life, anyone reconnecting with themselves and anyone taking that one step at a time to grow into THAT person they know they can be.

Life can get overwhelming, and sometimes that just might be the beginning of a downward descent into worse. A lot is expected from us and there's only so much we can do with the time we have.

Listen, I am not advocating for laziness or marinating in your comfort zone and rejecting all options to continue to grow simply because you don't want to.

What I am advocating for is that in your pursuit for growth and development coupled with your daily obligations, you do not neglect yourself.

I guess what I am taking too long to get to is that, you are not alone. There is a host of us navigating life through imagined obstacles that feel as legit as thirst and hunger. And they can easily trample on us. And the failure that comes with that can chip at our armour of confidence, resulting in a decreased desire for personal development. I mean, who wants to continue experiencing failure?

This is me saying, I am right there with you. Life has gotten better but there are moments when the ugly rears its head. Some days I can easily shut them down. And then there are THOSE other days. Go boima (It's difficult).

It is those difficult days that having a community to lean on can be helpful. I hope that you find that here.

While I believe that blogging can be a two-way street, I also believe that no one should feel pressured into sharing any aspect of their lives - or opinions. It would be nice to hear from you. Questions, feedback, opinions, a part of your story you are comfortable sharing or just a simple hi. Do not hesitate.

Besides my comment section, you can reach out via Instagram via @mashie_mphahlele or shoot me an email on admin@endureloveevolve.co.za

Thank you so much for taking a moment to get to know me and the story behind ELE. We've tried this before. Now we are in a new era. One which I hope you will stick around to see.

Till next time.

And do not forget to have the audacity to live your best life.